Going Where No Parents Have Gone Before (Part 2)

Back in the day, kids played around in the neighborhood. Cops and robbers. Cowboys and Indians. Games of football, basketball, baseball, hide and go seek, kick the can, capture the flag, all in their various forms and locations. If kids got out of line, little Johnny knew Billy’s mom was good friends with his mom. And the unwritten code of the neighborhood allowed Billy’s mom to inform Johnny’s mother of the bad behavior. Sometimes, Billy’s mom would even discipline Johnny. And Johnny's mom would THANK her.

Unfortunately, neighbors hardly know each other anymore. Their kids rarely hang out together. And if they do, “You had better not lay a finger on my child, or I’ll sue!”

As a result of this “disconnectedness” despite close proximity, children—the master manipulators—have taken advantage of the phenomenon. And the age-old saying, “Actions speak louder than words,” is being turned on its head in the world of cyberspace.

This ability to connect with people without building relationships is the key. We have “friends” on Facebook we didn’t really know before we accepted their request. We have other one we have never seen on years. We send out little tidbits of our lives (or other family member’s lives), pithy sayings, funny pictures, alarming videos, etc., and call it “friendship.” We “Like” it, “Share” it, make “Comments,” yet after a week of this ocean side, one-inch deep socialization, we still don’t really know anyone any better than we did before, unless we’re making snap judgments about their politics, decisions about clothing styles, or choice in companions.

Yeah. We really know that person because they said something about the president’s policies or another person’s religious beliefs.

Or that they watched “Dancing with the Stars” last night…and now they're angry because little miss So-and-So got kicked off the show.

Or they posted a video taken in a Wal-Mart...

Yep. That tells me everything about them, doesn’t it?

This phenomenon also empowers people. Stuff you’d never say, standing in a Town Hall meeting, or on the street corner, or in a classroom, will all of a sudden come gushing out as you now feel strong enough to type it and hit “Send.”

It’s all so liberating. Isn't free speech wonderful?

But the times….they are a-changin’.

There’s a prevailing wind blowing from major capital cities in the western world. It’s a growing sentiment among politicians: Parents will never be parents. Parents are too busy, too uninformed, too lackadaisical, maybe even too stupid to know what’s best for their children, so government will step in and do what parents should have abrogated but failed to do so.

Take the stance Australia is taking, for exhibit #1. They have created a new position, called “E-Safety Commissioner." This new commissioner “will be empowered to issue notices to cyber-bullies to take down harmful online posts, or face court injunctions or police referrals.” Of course, this law targets Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, primarily. I’m sure other sites will be monitored as well, but let me ask this question: Because these sites experience such a high volume of traffic (millions of posts a minute combined), how will one commissioner monitor all the posts, decipher them, and ferret out the “Harmful posts”? (And what determines “Harmful”?) Will they have to use computer programs that scour these sites and examine every word—TSA-style—and when a certain number of “red flag” words are packaged together in one post, then will it bring that person's account to the attention of E-Safety Commissioner? And if the perpetrator turns out to be living in Guam or Atlanta, Georgia, then what? Do they extradite? The point is, monitoring of your child's sites is not just something they are thinking about doing. They are already doing it.

Exhibit #2 comes from the Land of Lincoln. The state of Illinois now has a law on the books wherein if it can be shown, by way of a post on a social media site, that it occurred during school hours, then the school administration has the right to request the password of the student in question for the purpose of looking for cyber bullying activity. In other states, this goes a little too far, and having the student type in the password for an administrator is the preferred method of accessing such evidence. The point here is, your child's activity should not be happening at school, and if your child does post something at school, he or she may run the risk of having every post on their page subject to review. 

Now, the United States doesn’t have an overarching law yet to handle cyber bullying, but it is covered under already existing federal law and is mandated to be investigated whenever cyber bullying looks, smells and tastes like harassment.

Here’s my point in bringing all this up: With freedom comes great responsibility. And if parents don’t start taking responsibility for their children’s actions via technology, then their (we are talking about the parents here) freedoms will be confiscated “for the sake of saving lives.” And it’s not just concerning the issue of cyber bullying we are talking about when it comes to the freedom/responsibility issue. It also pertains to anything illegal your student could do while using technology, whether it be a smart phone, tablet, or regular computer...and what could be done to them as victims, whether they be at the hands of a cyber bully, a child pornographer, a pedophile, or human traffickers. It's not safe out there. I always wonder why parents who would never allow their kids to walk the mean streets of a major city at two in the morning think nothing of allowing them to "walk" the even viler streets of cyber space.

Good parents not only want to know where their children are at all times (e.g., Are they at a friend’s house? At home doing their homework? At soccer practice?), but they should also want to know where their children are in cyber space and what they are doing while there.

Who knows? Your child’s actions may land you in jail. And if something really horrendous took place—like your child being responsible for another child taking his or her life—and you, the parent, purchased the phone and the phone is in your name, then you might someday become an accessory to murder. Sound bizarre? Ludicrous? Far-fetched? Check out the articles below and let me know if you think it is.

As I see it, it’s only a matter of time, so be proactive. Get ahead of the issue. Keep tabs on your child’s cyberspace activity…it may save you both. (Here’s a tip sheet to help.)

http://abcnews.go.com/US/mom-accused-teen-cyber-bully-arrested-child-abuse/story?id=20617247

http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/18/opinion/omara-parents-cyberbullying/

http://cyberbullying.us/holding-parents-responsible-for-their-childs-bullying/

*Generic photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

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Short Bio

C. KEVIN THOMPSON is an ordained minister with a B.A. In Bible (Houghton College, Houghton, NY), an M.A. in Christian Studies (Wesley Biblical Seminary, Jackson, MS), and an M.Ed. in Educational Leadership (National-Louis University, Wheeling, IL). He presently works as an assistant principal in a middle school. He also has several years experience as an administrator at the high school level.

A former Language Arts teacher, Kevin decided to put his money where his mouth was and write, fiction mostly. Now, years later, he is a member of the Christian Authors Network (CAN), American Christian Fictions Writers (ACFW), and Word Weavers International. He is the Chapter President of Word Weavers-Lake County (FL), and his published works include two award-winning novels, The Serpent’s Grasp (Winner of the 2013 Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference Selah Award for First Fiction) and 30 Days Hath Revenge - A Blake Meyer Thriller: Book 1, as well as articles in The Wesleyan Advocate, The Preacher, Vista, The Des Moines Register and The Ocala Star-Banner.

Kevin is a huge fan of the TV series 24 , The Blacklist, Blue Bloods, and Criminal Minds, loves anything to do with Star Trek, and is a Sherlock Holmes fanatic, too.

Website:           www.ckevinthompson.com

Blogs:               www.ckevinthompson.blogspot.com

Facebook:          C. Kevin Thompson – Author Page

Twitter:            @CKevinThompson

Goodreads:        C. Kevin Thompson

Going Where No Parents Have Gone Before (Part 1)

It apparently started over a boy.

The comments. The looks. The “Oh, I’m sorry” bumps in the hallway between classes, followed by stifled guffaws which proved no one is ever really sorry in such instances.

It starts out as two people having a “beef.” Emotions get involved. Words that can’t be taken back get spoken. The age-old problem of jealousy. It goes back in human history about as far as you can look, and if it isn’t dealt with in the initial stages, it can lead to some vicious and even deadly outcomes.

In this particular case, the body of a 12 year-old girl was found at the base of a cement silo. In one of the reports I read, detailing the tragic death of Rebecca Sedwick, they weren’t sure if she jumped from the 19-foot platform, the 24-foot platform, or the 60-foot one at the top. At least 15 girls were involved by the end of the investigation. Even more young people, from as far away as North Carolina, knew about Rebecca’s predicament and her comments about wanting to “end it all.” But they said nothing. Alerted no one.

How were those girls involved, you ask? Bumping into her in the hallways. An intimidation tactic. Texting her, making threats of physical harm, like “She wants to fight you.” That’s a common one. Instigators getting in the middle, ramping up the stakes. Pushing proverbial buttons, trying to see if any of them ignite a fire. Other comments, like “Wait til I see you. I’ll beat your ***” are more direct. Threats of bodily harm always prove to be game changers.

Others texted Rebecca, exhorting her to “Go kill yourself” and asking her, “Why are you still alive?” There were other questions asked, too. Rhetorical in nature, they are designed to push a person toward suicide, planting ideas in their head they may have never thought of on their own, like “How many over-the-counter drugs do you take to die?” and “How many Advil do you have to take to die?”

The story began at school. Over a boy, investigators said. When Rebecca’s parents decided to home-school her due to the incessant bullying, then it morphed into cyberbullying. It’s nothing more than long-distance bullying. Bullying with a long arm. And just so we’re clear, cyberbullying is more sadistic because the bullies often say in veiled anonymity things they would never have the courage to say face to face.

Also, if you think this is a “girl problem,” think again. And if you think it’s always about boys liking girls or girls liking boys with jealousy raising its ugly head, bullying has many avenues and targets.

If there is a way to belittle others, children and teenagers will find it. Take the case of Ryan Halligan. An older case involving a boy with a learning disability. You can just imagine where this story is headed, can’t you? Other students making fun of him because of his educational struggles. You can just hear the peers calling him “stupid” and “retard,” can’t you? But if you think that’s where it started and ended, think again. The merciless stabs at his intellect got old, which is often the case with bullies. “That’s no fun anymore.” Especially if the victim is man or woman enough to ignore it. In this case, the derogatory name-calling transformed into someone accusing Ryan of being gay (a rumor with no basis). This is a very common ploy bullies utilize, especially amongst boys. Those incessant rumors were passed around amongst classmates and others via AOL instant messenger, that day’s version of today’s Facebook IM.

The taunts and jabs went on for two years. Ryan’s story culminated with a popular girl named Ashley. At some point over Ryan’s last summer on Earth, it was learned that Ryan had a crush on Ashley. She was a girl who defended Ryan in the beginning when others made fun of him. However, as is often the case with so many of these stories, Ashley became popular along the way, and defending Ryan became detrimental to her social ascendancy. So, instead of standing up for what was right and just, she joined the crowd. 

Over that summer, Ashley thought it would be funny to pretend to like him only to gain personal information about him.¹ These IM chats back and forth were then passed along to friends via AOL IM. And you know what those friends did with that information, right? You guessed it. They passed it along to their friends…who passed it along to their friends…who passed it along, etc., etc…. When confronted about it in school the next year, Ashley referred to Ryan as a loser. Ryan’s response? “It’s girls like you who make me want to kill myself.”

Hey, Mom? Dad? Ever heard of these: Kik. Ask.fm. Yik Yak.

What about Whisper? Tinder? Omegle?

No. I’m not speaking Greek. Nor a language from the planet Melmac. I’m listing the names of cell phone apps kids and teenagers use today most parents know nothing about.

Most kids know Mom and Dad are on Facebook. Mom and Dad are often on Twitter, too. So, what do kids do? They go where their parents aren’t. Sites like these mentioned above are fraught with unsupervised kids doing what unsupervised kids normally do…things they’d never do if they knew Mom and Dad (or the police) were watching.

In the world of cyberspace, it’s much like the Wild, Wild, West in the 1800s…in more ways than one. And if your child has a cell phone, even worse, a smart phone, then you may be placing your child in harm’s way…in ways you never thought possible.

Take the case of the 35 year-old man in the UK who posed as Justin Bieber and convinced young girls to do things they’d never do on Facebook because Mom and Dad might be watching. Oh, by the way, he used the ruse to get young boys to do similar acts, then used their images to his own, evil devices to further his cause. How did he accomplish this heinous crime? He got the kids to use their webcams, take a picture of themselves (and worse), and when they did, it automatically downloaded to his computer. He then threatened the victims with disclosure if they told. Girls as far away as Tasmania were victimized. One girl tried to commit suicide when he released unflattering photos of her on Facebook, complete with her name, address, and other pertinent information.

There have been other instances wherein molesters and pranksters trick children and teenagers by pretending to be someone they are not and then getting the child to give up crucial information about their families (Here we go again! See footnote #1), about their home’s computer network, wireless system, etc. The next thing you know, they have full access to your home via the web cam on your child’s computer. But remember, it can all start with the cell phone…in the hands of children and teens. No bullying here, per se. But horrible activity that can damage lives, nevertheless.

Of course, there are the usual suspects: perverts trolling chat rooms and other sites your child may frequent, fishing for information. Other lowlifes try to set up “meet and greets.” Often, it’s simply to get that young person alone and commit rape. In other cases, in a growing industry more and more perverts and drug users are using for financial benefit, these creeps are setting up meet and greets for more nefarious purposes, like human trafficking. All because unsupervised children have cell phones (and let’s not forget computers), and Mom and Dad have no idea what they are doing with those devices.

So, ask yourself, Mom, Dad…Do you know what’s really on your child’s cell phone? If you ask to see it, do they willingly give it to you in a full disclosure kind of way? Or do they hem and haw, get defensive, and start quoting laws about their right to privacy like a jailhouse lawyer? And does the phone have the app called Poof or Snapchat on it? If it does, then you have to ask yourself this question: “What are they hiding?” You probably want to ask them that question, too. These apps, available on both Apple iTunes and Google Play, are designed to carry on conversations, send photos, pass along videos, etc., that are, once viewed, automatically deleted from the person’s phone. Teens see this as an excellent way to say things about other people without having any evidence on their phone “left behind.”

The problem is, kids and teenagers don’t know how all this technology really works. Nothing is ever deleted in cyberspace. Companies who are in the social media business, for the purpose of staying bulletproof when it comes to lawsuits, keep every text, every video, every everything your child (and you, for that matter) posts online. If a lawyer filing a lawsuit ever subpoenaed those records, Facebook, Twitter, You Tube, Kik, Ask.fm and the like, want to be able to produce them. Their company and subsequent profits (a.k.a. livelihood) trump your need for privacy. Oh, and by the way, they figure since you are using their services for free and have to incur such a huge expense like storing all this data, they have retooled their service provider rules, and continue to do so each time a major lawsuit is settled and changes the way they have to do business. Now, in most cases, they not only have to keep your material available, they own it. When you clicked “I Agree to the Terms & Conditions, blah, blah, blah…,” you summarily turned over your rights to any and all material uploaded therein, henceforth, and forevermore. Nothing is ever really free anymore…

So, when your child downloads hurtful and derogatory comments, uploads unflattering selfies of targeted victims, makes comments like “Go kill yourself” or “I wish you would just die already,” then it’s there. Forevermore. And since these companies own it, they will hand it out to whichever law enforcement agency or prosecuting attorney asks for it.

To get a picture of where most social media moguls stand in this issue, all you have to do is get to know Ilja and Mark Terebin, the brothers from Latvia who started and own Ask.fm. They blame the media and parents for kids becoming bullies. It’s a harsh (and vulgar) message they have for you, and they think you, the parent, are at fault. You allow your child to be swayed by the media. You allow your child to have a phone or computer. You allow your child free run of any sites they see fit to visit without any oversight on their part. They believe they shouldn’t have to police their site for your child’s bad behavior. Their mother Ludmilla Terebin agrees.

It’s your fault.

And maybe, it is. With 120 million subscribers worldwide and 15 million of those in the United States, Ask.fm says 42% of those 120 million are under the age of 17. In the United States, those would all be minors. They can’t vote. They can’t smoke. They can barely drive. Yet, we freely give them the keys to this evil kingdom, pat them on the back, and tell them to “have a good day at school.” The logic really doesn’t compute, does it? 

And that, my friends, take us to Part 2 of my blog for next month. You’ll never guess what Facebook and the others are being forced to do now. It’s a game changer. And possibly your child—if he or she is the one bullying other kids—will be the target.

For some helpful articles about the Apps your kids use, check these out:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/kids/9-most-dangerous-apps-for-kids.html

http://www.foreverymom.com/parents-kids-10-dangerous-apps-time-hit-delete/

http://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/banned-most-dangerous-iphone-apps/

http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2015/01/31/5-dangerous-apps-dont-know-your-kids-are-using/

http://fun.familyeducation.com/mobile-apps/social-networking/74548.html

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/15-apps-and-websites-kids-are-heading-to-after-facebook

Also, just type in “The Most Dangerous Apps” into your web browser, and you’ll have more reading than you’ll care to do.

Until next month.

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¹May I add here that this ploy (of pretending to be someone or something you are not to gain personal information) is used by not only cyberbullies, but also child molesters, identity thieves, psychopaths, and serial killers. This should tell you something about the psychoses of human nature when this practice manifests itself and should be a huge red flag for you if you witness it or hear of someone doing it.

*Generic photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

_____________________________________

Short Bio

C. KEVIN THOMPSON is an ordained minister with a B.A. In Bible (Houghton College, Houghton, NY), an M.A. in Christian Studies (Wesley Biblical Seminary, Jackson, MS), and an M.Ed. in Educational Leadership (National-Louis University, Wheeling, IL). He presently works as an assistant principal in a middle school. He also has several years experience as an administrator at the high school level.

A former Language Arts teacher, Kevin decided to put his money where his mouth was and write, fiction mostly. Now, years later, he is a member of the Christian Authors Network (CAN), American Christian Fictions Writers (ACFW), and Word Weavers International. He is the Chapter President of Word Weavers-Lake County (FL), and his published works include two award-winning novels, The Serpent’s Grasp (Winner of the 2013 Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference Selah Award for First Fiction) and 30 Days Hath Revenge - A Blake Meyer Thriller: Book 1, as well as articles in The Wesleyan Advocate, The Preacher, Vista, The Des Moines Register and The Ocala Star-Banner.

Kevin is a huge fan of the TV series 24 , The Blacklist, Blue Bloods, and Criminal Minds, loves anything to do with Star Trek, and is a Sherlock Holmes fanatic, too.

Website:           www.ckevinthompson.com

Blogs:               www.ckevinthompson.blogspot.com

Facebook:          C. Kevin Thompson – Author Page

Twitter:            @CKevinThompson

Goodreads:        C. Kevin Thompson

4:20 - A Time for Parents to Wake Up

One of the biggest issues I deal with as an administrator is the issue of drugs. Today is National Smoke-It-Up Day. The Munchie Holiday. Weed Day. And it’s not coming to a neighborhood near you. It’s already there.

It started in 1971. A group of athletes in San Rafael, California, calling themselves “the Waldos” coined the term (4:20, 4/20, 4-20) when they learned of a plan to search for an abandoned cannabis crop. The Waldos, named for their now famous hang-out spot—behind a wall outside the school—designated the Louis Pasteur statue, located on the grounds of San Rafael High School, as their meeting place. Their designated meeting time was 4:20 p.m. The Waldos’ code phrase was “4:20 Louis." Eventually, the code got shortened to “4:20” as the meeting places changed, causing the term to evolve into a not-so-hard-to-break code word teens use to simply mean marijuana-smoking in general.

Today, marijuana is so prevalent, all a student has to do is put out feelers, and within minutes, he or she will have multiple connections to drug dealers in the area. As a matter of fact, if you see someone in a school or neighborhood with a white towel or t-shirt over his shoulder, that means he could be a dealer (or it could be an innocent soul who is clueless about such things). Other signs, like a certain colored bandanna sticking out of a back pocket, can also be a sign of drug dealing activity (it also is a sign sometimes of gang affiliation). Sadly, in many instances however, an older sibling or "good friend" will act as the go-between and buy the dope for the younger sibling or friend. They will even take the younger sibling or friend on a “field trip” to go and meet the dealer so that the dealer can "deal" directly with the customer in the future. The point is, it's not hard to find it if you're looking.

In our culture, with the hearty push to legalize marijuana across the nation, using medical marijuana as the gateway, what I have witnessed, first as a teacher and now as an administrator, is that each year, the students being affected are getting younger and younger.

Back in the day, it was unheard of to learn of a middle school student using drugs. That was a college thing. High schools were getting infected, too, but they were still more interested in smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. Everybody knew who the "stoners" were. They had their isolated little areas (kind of like The Waldos), they all hung together, usually dressed differently from everybody else but looked alike, etc. But now, elementary students are getting arrested for possession. And seemingly any person from any walk of life can be found "in possession." It's not as "isolated" as it used to be.

In some more extreme cases, elementary students are getting arrested not just for possession, but for distribution as well. You see, the drug dealers have gotten smart over the years. They know that if a ten-year-old (or even a middle schooler) gets “popped” for possession, not much will happen. They’re minors. The system will do its level best to save them before tossing them in juvenile detention and throwing away the key, and the dealers know this. If the number of grams falls below the felony limits, then the student will probably get suspended from school and have to attend some class on the danger of drugs. But once those requirements are satisfied, he or she is back in action at Little Dealer Elementary.

Another sad trend is the use of Exceptional Education Students (ESE) by drug dealers. Dealers know many of these students struggle with school. Holding down a job will be difficult for a few. So, “how about you deal for me,” is the general plea sent out by the dealer. “Instead of working at McDonald’s for minimum wage, you can make $100 a night working just a couple of hours for me.” What hard-pressed student who already hates school wouldn’t give that offer some serious consideration?

The other big time “selling point” for students today is this mantra: “It helps me relax.” With the stress of standardized testing, higher accountability, a depressed economy with fewer good-paying jobs, and a world that seems to be hell-bent on destroying itself, this phrase works like a charm. When they relax, they are able to “get away from it all,” including school, Mom and/or Dad.

What younger students do not realize is that marijuana is not called a “gateway drug” for nothing. Very few people stop with using just marijuana. The “high” produced eventually becomes common place. Weak. Ineffective. So, they go looking for other things to help them find that “high” again. That’s when the other drugs enter the scene: Cocaine, Heroin, Smack, Crack, etc. 

Scarier still are the self-manufactured "highs" students concoct. "Pharm parties," wherein students show up with a bottle of pills from their home's medicine cabinet, are another way students get "high." The pills are dumped into a large bowl and mixed with everybody else's "donation." Students then take a pill or two or three (sometimes more and often mixed with alcohol) to get "their buzz on."

And of course, there is that whole slice of the pie as well. Selling prescription drugs on the street to pay for their drug habit. Mom, Dad, if you have anything in your medicine chest that is worth $$$$ on the street, you need to keep a close eye on those bottles. Oxycontin, Ritalin, and other strong pain and ADHD medications are the "faves" in this category.

As a parent, what can you do? You’re biggest challenge is your student’s friends. Like most things, such as a good book or a favorite restaurant, we learn of these things via word of mouth. Someone tells someone. Trumps up the story and makes that “thing” sound like the best one ever. Shows us a video. Tells us where to go on the web to "look it up." Your children are no different. The shoes they wear. The clothes they beg you to purchase. The electronic gadgets they must have if they are ever to survive. Where did they find out about all this stuff? Advertisements? Maybe. But Aeropostale and Hollister didn’t spread like wildfire because of ads alone. Someone had to buy one of their $40 shirts or a pair of their $80 pants. Then, they had to wear it. And then they told all their friends where they got it. And how cool the store was. And the rest is history.

However, there is a difference between their clothes from Pac-Sun and the marijuana they hide in their sneakers. One is legal. One isn’t. Students know the difference. That’s why you’ll never hear them ask you, “Hey Mom, where is the best place to buy some pot?” Those questions are reserved for their friends. And you'll be amazed at how resourceful they can get when they want answers to that question.

I’m shocked sometimes at who I see hang together at school. “That student hangs with him? What is she doing with those girls?” But as an administrator, I can’t just call the parent up and say, “Hey, you might want to start paying attention to who your child is hangin’ with. This has bad news written all over it.” Now, of course, if they get in trouble, then when I call the parent, I can bring it up, and I do. Why? Because, as is usually the case, their grades are dropping, attendance is getting worse, skipping is occurring, a sudden and growing negative attitude is appearing, and all these packaged together are key indicators for drug use. I see it all the time. The grades start to dip. The attitude starts to get snarky, defiant. Student starts to skip class. Sometimes, the student never makes it to school and instead hangs out with some friends at another student’s house so they can pretend it's 4:20 all day long. Authority figures are sudden enemies. Mom. Dad. The teacher. Me. The police. That’s the drugs talking.

But it’s also the friends. The changes in grades, attitude, outlook on authoritative figures like parents, teachers, administrators, and police, are being swayed by the drug culture. “It’s us against them.” The next thing you know, your child is touting the benefits of marijuana use and chanting that it should be legal. It’s a package deal, unfortunately. Just listen, really listen, to the ads for the legalization of marijuana, and you'll hear these "anti-establishment" undertones loud and clear. 

So, as a parent, what can you do? You need to get to know your child’s friends. If you want to kill the snake, chop its head off. Get to know the friend’s parents, too. Get to know the siblings of the friends as well. You also may want to just pop in at your child’s school, unannounced, sign in through the Main Office, and head on down to the lunchroom, with McDonald’s in hand, and check out who he or she is sitting with at lunch. And definitely, you want to be inside your child’s cell phone. Who are they contacting? What are they saying when they do talk to their friends? I’ll be willing to wager there are programs and apps on your child’s cell phone right this very minute, that you, the parent, have never even heard of. Yet, your child uses those to communicate with his or her friends regularly. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are but a drop in the proverbial bucket. They know you probably use those, too, so they use other programs and apps you don’t…to do all sorts of things without ever being detected. How do I know this? Because I deal with the cyber bullying aspect of those programs on a regular basis. You’d be surprised what students say about each other when they think no adults are ever going to see it.

And don't let them become a little "jailhouse lawyer" and try to tell you about Invasion of Privacy laws. If they have nothing to hide, they shouldn't mind at all if you, the parent, want to see how your child is using the phone you are paying for. If they get upset, deny your request to see it, tell you, the parent, you have no right to look at it, then you may have a serious situation on your hands. And unless you raised your child that way, that's the friends talking. It may also be the drugs.

Next month, I’ll delve further into the world of your child’s cell phone playground. You may want to wait on purchasing that two-year contract until then. J

Oh, and by the way, 4/20 is also Hitler’s birthday. Another factoid students think is “cool.” So, what does that tell you about this day?

*Photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

_____________________________________

Short Bio

C. KEVIN THOMPSON is an ordained minister with a B.A. In Bible (Houghton College, Houghton, NY), an M.A. in Christian Studies (Wesley Biblical Seminary, Jackson, MS), and an M.Ed. in Educational Leadership (National-Louis University, Wheeling, IL). He presently works as an assistant principal in a middle school. He also has several years experience as an administrator at the high school level.

A former Language Arts teacher, Kevin decided to put his money where his mouth was and write, fiction mostly. Now, years later, he is a member of the Christian Authors Network (CAN), American Christian Fictions Writers (ACFW), and Word Weavers International. He is the Chapter President of Word Weavers-Lake County (FL), and his published works include two award-winning novels, The Serpent’s Grasp (Winner of the 2013 Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference Selah Award for First Fiction) and 30 Days Hath Revenge - A Blake Meyer Thriller: Book 1, as well as articles in The Wesleyan Advocate, The Preacher, Vista, The Des Moines Register and The Ocala Star-Banner.

Kevin is a huge fan of the TV series 24 , The Blacklist, Blue Bloods, and Criminal Minds, loves anything to do with Star Trek, and is a Sherlock Holmes fanatic, too.

Website:           www.ckevinthompson.com

Blogs:               www.clevinthompson.blogspot.com

http://www.thehelpfuleducator.blogspot.com

Facebook:          C. Kevin Thompson – Author Page

Twitter:            @CKevinThompson

Goodreads:        C. Kevin Thompson

Helping Your Student Find the Key to Reading

I wish Donalyn Miller had been my teacher growing up. In her book, The Book Whisperer, she explains how she became the teacher she is today. Yes, she embedded a great many instructional leaders’ insights into her teaching philosophy. It’s apparent she knows her stuff when it comes to educational best practices and instructional pedagogy.

However, the one thing that shouted from the pages at me was this: Every student loves to read…many just don’t know it yet.

I was one of those kids. Class clown. Bit of a smart aleck. Always had a catchy comeback for anyone who dared to cross me. But most importantly, I used all these “techniques” as a smoke and mirrors ploy. The truth was, I wasn’t a very good reader. What took some students five minutes to read took me fifteen, at least. I was always one of the last students to finish a test. Friends would read books in a matter of days. It took me weeks. So, as I grew older, I slowly succumbed to the age-old lie which every poor reader says to himself or herself: I hate reading. For us, reading is dumb. Reading is stupid. Reading is for geeks.

Do your children ever voice those words? Ever espouse those beliefs?

The change in me didn’t happen until I was in middle school. I was twelve going on thirteen. It was summertime. My mother took me and my best friend to Daytona Beach for a long weekend. When we arrived, it was raining. Thwarted by Mother Nature, our beach plans became after dinner mall plans.

We walked around and ducked in and out of stores. We finally made it into a book store because my mother—God love her—was an avid reader. Still is. When we entered the store, a book caught my eye. The movie had just come out in theaters, and I wanted to go see it that weekend. When I picked up the book, Jaws, my mother asked me, “Do you want that book?” I’m sure it took a minute for the words to come out because I know her heart had to have stopped beating, if only for a few seconds.

“Sure,” I said.

I started reading Jaws that night. I took me about two weeks to finish it; a speed record for me. I guess you could say I devoured that book. And from that moment on, a love for reading grew inside. Now, I read several books a year, even write books!

The book Jaws became the key that opened up the door to reading for me. At that time in my life, I wanted to be a marine biologist. Hence the interest in a book like Jaws. Donalyn Miller would say, “Yep. That’s all it takes. A little time. A little effort. A little investigative prowess on the part of a teacher and/or parent. Once that key interest is found, capitalize on it. Get that kid everything you can get your hands on that revolves around that subject and lay it before him. If he starts reading a book and loses interest, tell him it’s okay to stop, but don’t stop completely! Pick up another book and give that one a try.”

That’s what happened to me. As I read Jaws, I was asking questions like, “Do sharks really get that big?” and “Can sharks really jump onto boats and sink them?” and (a big question for a 12-year-old, but one that set me on a love for history as well was) “What’s Captain Quint talking about when he tells the story of the USS Indianapolis?”

You can just imagine what happened. I set out on a quest. I was researching, investigating, finding other reading material which answered those questions. Then guess what happened next? You got it. More questions. And I needed answers. The doors that were once all locked up had been opened by a key named Jaws and an author by the name of Peter Benchley. That key showed me things I had never seen before on the written page, and I was loving it.

Back at school, all my teachers had me read stories I hated. Unfortunately, we do the same things today. We teach them how to read by using stories which reinforce their negative feelings toward reading as a whole. For example, what 7^th grader wants to read an autobiographical story about a miller’s daughter in 1925? Or an abstract poem about a flower that never grew? Or a propaganda piece about the environment, taken from a book not one middle school student will ever read? Ever!

We educators shoot ourselves in the proverbial foot by forcing students to read things they hate before they develop a love for reading. That’s like force-feeding a child broccoli when he’s still gumming food out of a Gerber jar on a rubber-coated spoon. Not only can he not handle the complexity and texture of the broccoli, he’s not ready for it yet. It’s the cart-before-the-horse-syndrome. The push in today’s educational landscape is to give students what we call “complex texts.” That’s all well and good so long as a student loves to read. Giving a student who has developed a love for vegetables some broccoli to try is the best way to introduce him to a very complex taste. Horse first. Then cart.

As a parent, the best thing you can do is find the key for your child. Ask your child a series of questions about his or her likes and dislikes. Make sure you listen between the lines. If they are young children, they will spout the typical answers, “I want to be a fireman” or “I want to be a doctor” or “I want to a football player.” The trick is to dig deeper. Why do they want to be those things? Is it because they like the limelight? Or is it because they want to help people? Is it because Uncle Frank is a police officer, or it is because they love cops and robbers and have a skewed view of law enforcement? As you dig, look for the veins that show you where the mother lode is located. For me, what my mother didn't realize was that she was tapping into my key without even knowing it. I loved the ocean. I had a growing desire to be a marine biologist. So, Jaws went right along with interests I had already developed. So, what happened to the marine biologist? Why am I not in a diving bell scouring the ocean floor for clues to life, the universe, and everything? Well, it's like this: I get seasick. In my desire to become a marine biologist, I found out you have to spend days, even months, on a ship, on the ocean, bobbing up and down, smelling diesel fumes, and trying not to heave your lunch over the gunwale. So, I made a career decision. Keep feet on terra firma. But by the time I had come to that conclusion, the key had been secured into the lock of my reading door, turned, and I had pushed the door open pretty side. Like I tell my students, "What you don't want to do with your life is just as important to know as what you do want to eventually pursue. It helps narrow down the field considerably." 

It's not always about subjects or areas of interest, though. Sometimes, it’s a particular author who may turn on a student to reading. Gary Paulsen and Mike Lupica have turned many a boy on to reading through a mutual love of the outdoors and sports, respectively. Stephanie Meyer used vampires and werewolves to tell a love story, and turned girls on to reading along the way. For me, it was a subject. For others. it’s an author. For others, it’s a mutual respect for a type of writing because “Mommy likes it, too.” Just remember, it's not that your child hates reading. It's that he or she just hasn't found anything they want to read yet. Once they do, they'll go crazy. And, it doesn't have to be just young people. I know of an adult (I won't mention his name here) who "never read" (His words...and his wife's, too). I asked him to read one of my manuscripts because of his specialty in the work force. Now, he owns an e-reader, and his wife has to monitor the credit card and limit his purchases.  

Regardless of the interest, capitalize on it, and then help your child expand their horizons along the way. Whether it be a love for gaming, a desire to go camping, a love for fishing, an almost "obsession" with fashion, use that to your advantage. There are magazines, books, websites out there on almost everything. Vet them, hand them over to your child, and watch the miracle of reading begin. And, never stop helping your reader keep pushing the door open. When their horizons expand, help them find that reading material, too. Barn doors are big. They can open just enough to let a small child out. They can open more and allow a horse to escape. But if you want the tractor, you know, the big one, those barn doors need to be opened wide.

The wider the better.

_____________________________________

C. KEVIN THOMPSON is an ordained minister with a B.A. In Bible (Houghton College, Houghton, NY), an M.A. in Christian Studies (Wesley Biblical Seminary, Jackson, MS), and an M.Ed. in Educational Leadership (National-Louis University, Wheeling, IL). He presently works as an assistant principal in a middle school. He also has several years experience as an administrator at the high school level.

A former Language Arts teacher, he decided to put his money where his mouth was and write, fiction mostly. Now, years later, Kevin is a member of the Christian Authors Network (CAN), American Christian Fictions Writers (ACFW), and Word Weavers International. He is the Chapter President of Word Weavers-Lake County (FL), and his published works include two award-winning novels, The Serpent’s Grasp (OakTara, 2012; winner of the 2013 Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference Selah Award for First Fiction) and 30 Days Hath Revenge - A Blake Meyer Thriller: Book 1 (OakTara 2013), as well as articles in The Wesleyan Advocate, The Preacher, Vista, The Des Moines Register and The Ocala Star-Banner.

Kevin is a huge fan of the TV series 24 , The Blacklist, and Criminal Minds, loves anything to do with Star Trek, and is a Sherlock Holmes fanatic, too.

Website:           www.ckevinthompson.com

Blogs:               www.clevinthompson.blogspot.com

http://www.thehelpfuleducator.blogspot.com

Facebook:          C. Kevin Thompson – Author Page

Twitter:            @CKevinThompson

Goodreads:        C. Kevin Thompson


*Generic photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.