It apparently started over a boy.
The comments. The looks. The “Oh,
I’m sorry” bumps in the hallway between classes, followed by stifled guffaws
which proved no one is ever really sorry in such instances.
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It starts out as two people having
a “beef.” Emotions get involved. Words that can’t be taken back get spoken. The
age-old problem of jealousy. It goes back in human history about as far as you
can look, and if it isn’t dealt with in the initial stages, it can lead to some
vicious and even deadly outcomes.
In this particular case, the body
of a 12 year-old girl was found at the base of a cement silo. In one of the
reports I read, detailing the
tragic death of Rebecca Sedwick, they weren’t sure if
she jumped from the 19-foot platform, the 24-foot platform, or the 60-foot one
at the top. At least 15 girls were involved by the end of the investigation.
Even more young people, from as far away as North Carolina, knew about
Rebecca’s predicament and her comments about wanting to “end it all.” But they
said nothing. Alerted no one.
How were those girls involved, you
ask? Bumping into her in the hallways. An intimidation tactic. Texting her,
making threats of physical harm, like “She wants to fight you.” That’s a common
one. Instigators getting in the middle, ramping up the stakes. Pushing
proverbial buttons, trying to see if any of them ignite a fire. Other comments,
like “Wait til I see you. I’ll beat your ***” are more direct. Threats of
bodily harm always prove to be game changers.
Others texted Rebecca, exhorting
her to “Go kill yourself” and asking her, “Why are you still alive?” There were
other questions asked, too. Rhetorical in nature, they are designed to push a
person toward suicide, planting ideas in their head they may have never thought
of on their own, like “How many over-the-counter drugs do you take to die?” and
“How many Advil do you have to take to die?”
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The story began at school. Over a
boy, investigators said. When Rebecca’s parents decided to home-school her due
to the incessant bullying, then it morphed into cyberbullying. It’s nothing
more than long-distance bullying. Bullying with a long arm. And just so we’re
clear, cyberbullying is more sadistic because the bullies often say in veiled
anonymity things they would never have the courage to say face to face.
Also, if you think this is a “girl
problem,” think again. And if you think it’s always about boys liking girls or
girls liking boys with jealousy raising its ugly head, bullying has many
avenues and targets.
If there is a way to belittle
others, children and teenagers will find it. Take the case of Ryan
Halligan. An older case involving a boy with a learning
disability. You can just imagine where this story is headed, can’t you? Other
students making fun of him because of his educational struggles. You can just
hear the peers calling him “stupid” and “retard,” can’t you? But if you think
that’s where it started and ended, think again. The merciless stabs at his
intellect got old, which is often the case with bullies. “That’s no fun
anymore.” Especially if the victim is man or woman enough to ignore it. In this
case, the derogatory name-calling transformed into someone accusing Ryan of
being gay (a rumor with no basis). This is a very common ploy bullies utilize,
especially amongst boys. Those incessant rumors were passed around amongst
classmates and others via AOL instant messenger, that day’s version of today’s
Facebook IM.
The taunts and jabs went on for two
years. Ryan’s story culminated with a popular girl named Ashley. At some point
over Ryan’s last summer on Earth, it was learned that Ryan had a crush on
Ashley. She was a girl who defended Ryan in the beginning when others made fun
of him. However, as is often the case with so many of these stories, Ashley
became popular along the way, and defending Ryan became detrimental to her social
ascendancy. So, instead of standing up for what was right and just, she joined
the crowd.
Over that summer, Ashley thought it
would be funny to pretend to like him only to gain personal information about
him.1 These IM chats back and forth were then passed along to
friends via AOL IM. And you know what those friends did with that information,
right? You guessed it. They passed it along to their friends…who passed it
along to their friends…who passed it along, etc., etc…. When confronted about
it in school the next year, Ashley referred to Ryan as a loser. Ryan’s
response? “It’s girls like you who make me want to kill myself.”
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Hey, Mom? Dad? Ever heard of these:
Kik. Ask.fm. Yik Yak.
What about Whisper? Tinder? Omegle?
No. I’m not speaking Greek. Nor a
language from the planet Melmac. I’m listing the
names of cell phone apps kids and teenagers use today most parents know nothing
about.
Most kids know Mom and Dad are on Facebook.
Mom and Dad are often on Twitter, too. So, what do kids do? They
go where their parents aren’t. Sites like these mentioned above are
fraught with unsupervised kids doing what unsupervised kids normally do…things
they’d never do if they knew Mom and Dad (or the police) were watching.
In the world of cyberspace, it’s much
like the Wild, Wild, West in the 1800s…in more ways than one. And if your child
has a cell phone, even worse, a smart phone, then you may be placing your child
in harm’s way…in ways you never thought possible.
Take the case of the 35
year-old man in the UK who posed as Justin Bieber and convinced
young girls to do things they’d never do on Facebook because Mom and Dad might
be watching. Oh, by the way, he used the ruse to get young boys to do similar
acts, then used their images to his own, evil devices to further his cause. How
did he accomplish this heinous crime? He got the kids to use their webcams,
take a picture of themselves (and worse), and when they did, it automatically
downloaded to his computer. He then threatened the victims with disclosure if
they told. Girls as far away as Tasmania were victimized. One girl tried to
commit suicide when he released unflattering photos of her on Facebook,
complete with her name, address, and other pertinent information.
There have been other instances
wherein molesters and pranksters trick children and teenagers by pretending
to be someone they are not and then getting the child to give up crucial
information about their families (Here we go again! See footnote #1), about
their home’s computer network, wireless system, etc. The next thing you know,
they have full access to your home via the
web cam on your child’s computer. But remember, it can all
start with the cell phone…in the hands of children and teens. No bullying here,
per se. But horrible activity that can damage lives, nevertheless.
Of course, there are the usual
suspects: perverts trolling chat rooms and other sites your child may frequent,
fishing for information. Other lowlifes try to set up “meet and greets.”
Often, it’s simply to
get that young person alone and commit rape. In other cases, in
a growing industry more and more perverts and drug users
are using for financial benefit, these
creeps are setting up meet and greets for more nefarious purposes,
like human trafficking. All because unsupervised children have cell phones (and
let’s not forget computers), and Mom and Dad have no idea what they are doing
with those devices.
So, ask yourself, Mom, Dad…Do you
know what’s really on your child’s cell phone? If you ask to see it, do they
willingly give it to you in a full disclosure kind of way? Or do they hem and
haw, get defensive, and start quoting laws about their right to privacy like a
jailhouse lawyer? And does the phone have the app called Poof
or Snapchat on
it? If it does, then you have to ask yourself this question: “What are they
hiding?” You probably want to ask them that question, too. These apps,
available on both Apple iTunes and Google Play, are designed to carry on
conversations, send photos, pass along videos, etc., that are, once viewed,
automatically deleted from the person’s phone. Teens see this as an excellent
way to say things about other people without having any evidence on their phone
“left behind.”
The problem is, kids and teenagers
don’t know how all this technology really works. Nothing is ever deleted in
cyberspace. Companies who are in the social media business, for the
purpose of staying bulletproof when it comes to lawsuits, keep every text,
every video, every everything your child (and you, for that matter) posts
online. If a lawyer filing a lawsuit ever subpoenaed those records, Facebook,
Twitter, You Tube, Kik, Ask.fm and the like, want to be able to produce them.
Their company and subsequent profits (a.k.a. livelihood) trump your need for
privacy. Oh, and by the way, they figure since you are using their services for
free and have to incur such a huge expense like storing all this data, they
have retooled their service provider rules, and continue to do so each time a
major lawsuit is settled and changes the way they have to do business. Now, in
most cases, they not only have to keep your material available, they
own it. When you clicked “I Agree to the Terms &
Conditions, blah, blah, blah…,” you summarily turned over your rights to any
and all material uploaded therein, henceforth, and forevermore. Nothing is ever
really free anymore…
So, when your child downloads
hurtful and derogatory comments, uploads unflattering selfies of targeted
victims, makes comments like “Go kill yourself” or “I wish you would just die
already,” then it’s there. Forevermore. And since these companies own it, they
will hand it out to whichever law enforcement agency or prosecuting attorney asks
for it.
To get a picture of where most
social media moguls stand in this issue, all you have to do is get to know Ilja and Mark Terebin, the
brothers from Latvia who started and own Ask.fm. They blame the media and
parents for kids becoming bullies. It’s a harsh (and vulgar) message they have
for you, and they think you, the parent, are at fault. You allow your child to
be swayed by the media. You allow your child to have a phone or computer. You
allow your child free run of any sites they see fit to visit without any
oversight on their part. They believe they shouldn’t have to police their site
for your child’s bad behavior. Their mother Ludmilla
Terebin agrees.
It’s your fault.
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And maybe, it is. With 120 million
subscribers worldwide and 15 million of those in the United States, Ask.fm says
42% of those 120 million are under the age of 17. In the United States, those
would all be minors. They can’t vote. They can’t smoke. They can barely drive. Yet,
we freely give them the keys to this evil kingdom, pat them on the back, and tell
them to “have a good day at school.” The logic really doesn’t compute, does it?
And that, my friends, take us to
Part 2 of my blog for next month. You’ll never guess what Facebook and the
others are being forced to do now. It’s
a game changer. And possibly your child—if he or she is the one bullying
other kids—will be the target.
For some helpful articles about the
Apps your kids use, check these out:
Also, just type in “The Most
Dangerous Apps” into your web browser, and you’ll have more reading than you’ll
care to do.
Until next month.
_______________________________________
1May
I add here that this ploy (of pretending to be someone or something you are not
to gain personal information) is used by not only cyberbullies, but also child
molesters, identity thieves, psychopaths, and serial killers. This should tell
you something about the psychoses of human nature when this practice manifests
itself and should be a huge red flag for you if you witness it or hear of
someone doing it.
*Generic photos courtesy of
freedigitalphotos.net
_____________________________________
Short Bio
C. KEVIN THOMPSON is an
ordained minister with a B.A. In Bible (Houghton College, Houghton, NY), an M.A.
in Christian Studies (Wesley Biblical Seminary, Jackson, MS), and an M.Ed. in
Educational Leadership (National-Louis University, Wheeling, IL). He presently
works as an assistant principal in a middle school. He also has several years
experience as an administrator at the high school level.
A former Language Arts teacher,
Kevin decided to put his money where his mouth was and write, fiction mostly.
Now, years later, he is a member of the Christian Authors Network (CAN), American
Christian Fictions Writers (ACFW), and Word Weavers International. He is the
Chapter President of Word Weavers-Lake County (FL), and his published works
include two award-winning novels, The
Serpent’s Grasp (Winner of the 2013 Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers
Conference Selah Award for First Fiction) and 30 Days Hath Revenge - A Blake Meyer Thriller: Book 1, as well as articles in The Wesleyan Advocate, The Preacher, Vista, The Des Moines
Register and The Ocala Star-Banner.
Kevin is a huge fan of the TV
series 24 , The Blacklist, Blue Bloods,
and Criminal Minds, loves anything to
do with Star Trek, and is a Sherlock
Holmes fanatic, too.
Facebook: C. Kevin Thompson – Author Page
Twitter: @CKevinThompson
Goodreads: C. Kevin Thompson
